Going strong. Culturally offending people at church.

In this city, there's an international church that meets on a weekend evening. When you arrive, like most other churches, you're greeted with smiles and handshakes, and questions like

"What are you doing here?"

"Have you been here long?"

"Where are you from?"

"I don't think I've seen you before, are you new here?"

"Are you an english teacher?"

"... and what will you be doing here?"

Goodness. So many questions, I thought, but after learning a bit about this church, it makes sense. The regular attenders of this church look forward to seeing new faces, which makes it seem like most people here are very intentional about meeting visitors. This is a transient city. Some of the frequent short-termers are English teachers, and after their time here, the teachers either head back to the States or to another country to continue their work.

After I met a few people, I found a seat with my friend and waited for the service to start. More and more people started coming into the room. I noticed that the crowd of people at the door was a mix of people. The international church is open to everyone, which means even locals of a different faith can attend the church if they want to. There were quite a bit of Muslims attending the service, and this surprised me because ... it's church. I immediately wondered if their families knew about this. My friend explained to me that most of them attend these services to practice their English speaking skills during the hangout time after the service.

As some locals took their seats around us, I greeted them. I only shook the hands of Kurdish women, and I made sure to place my right hand over my heart and gently tap it while I said "Choni," which means "hello" in Kurdish, to the men. Men and women's interactions with one another are very minimal here. You should be extra careful in your interactions with the opposite sex because it could come across as flirtatious. For this reason, you (if you're a woman) are not supposed to shake a man's hand or look at men in the eyes. If you do, you are sending a completely wrong message. It shows you are interested and, faster than you realize, it could take things to a completely different level. I intentionally made a note of this during orientation, so I did my best to keep these things in mind at church too. I knew there would probably be a meet and greet time during the service.

I brought out my middle school book-covering skills, and
covered my devo book with a Whole Foods paper bag. It's
sitting on top of my bible, which is not covered since it looks
pretty new.

That cup of tea is just a normal drink I'll have around here.

Once most of the people found their seats, worship began. We sang songs in English and Kurdish. Then, the pastor opened up the floor for prayers and scripture reading, and he encouraged everyone to speak in their own native tongue. For about ten minutes, you could hear multiple languages. This was cool. When it came time for the message, I pulled out my "new" bible that I had never used before. I got it from Taylor on my graduation day. I am used to having my small, faded-brown, leather bible with bent pages and markings all over it with specific sections highlighted. This, however, was the exact reason I decided to leave it at home. The idea of writing on a "holy book" doesn't go over so well in this culture. It's offensive. During the service, I wanted to write something down, but I didn't. It's moments like this when I realize there's a little more adjustment that I'm going to have to do in order to get used to living here.

The pastor made his closing remarks 30 minutes later, and I was happy that I had made it! I, being culturally appropriate, made it through the service. Success!

Unfortunately, this success did not continue throughout the night. When we left the main room, my friend and I headed to the refreshments area to meet new people. He stopped to talk with his Kurdish friend, and noticing that he was a male, I kept walking. Later on, my friend called me over to introduce me to this friend. Great, I thought! I get to be his friend too! I had been wanting to meet Kurdish people. But with this individual, my excitement quickly turned into fear.

"Yvette, this is (let's call him Robert)," said my friend.

I smiled, looked at him and said hi.

Oh no!

This was so hard. I had already accidentally looked at him in the eyes, and I internally panicked just a bit. I didn't know where to look. I knew "Robert" was looking at me, and it was natural to look back, but it wasn't okay and I couldn't figure out what to do.

How do you respectfully meet someone and not look at him in the eyes? How do I do this?! 

After I realized I looked at him, I immediately looked down at my hand and, for some very odd reason, I thought it would be best to keep looking at my hand and go in for a handshake.  Yea, no. That was terrible thinking, but I didn't catch myself early enough. Before I realized it, we shook hands.

FAIL 

Shaking a man's hand is culturally offensive, 

especially if you are a woman.

Are you kidding me?
I had done such a great job just minutes earlier remembering what to or not to do. How did I forget this? The answer:

It all happened so fast, really. 

I'm thankful that Robert was forgiving. He graciously smiled and shook my hand, and he even continued to talk with me after I looked him in the eyes. Apparently, he had spent a lot of time around westerners, and he was used to some of this. This brought a little comfort to me at the time. However, I still feel pretty bad about that situation.

Yvette, let's never do that again.