Learning to Surrender

Dear Iraq, 

Will you please forgive me?

Respectfully,

Yvette Nicole

I'm sorry to disappoint, but there's something I have to tell you guys. Some days,

I'm just plain awful at being like a Kurdish woman. 

I make mistakes daily (sometimes hourly), and it's frustrating. From the layers of clothes in this heat to the greetings and no-eye-contact rule, I just simply can't get this right.

I really wish this would come more naturally, but I think the trick is to really practice it for a long while in order to excel. My actions, and lack there of at times, are important things to think about during this experience because I want to be seen as a respectable woman. 

The idea of reputation seems to play a major role here. What you do and how you do it could either negatively affect you, and not only you, but the people you represent (i.e. families). Thus, I'm trying to do my best to be respectful in every situation.

As I continue to make mistakes on this hopeful journey of getting it right, I've realized that maybe this is something that I should think more about no matter where I go.

Being mindful of your reputation can be good and bad. I'm one of those people who believes that everything is good in moderation. Thus, I think that maybe its best to take a step back at times and think about how we carry ourselves on an everyday basis. Do you think we should be more aware of how we present ourselves?

I laughed thinking about this because what immediately comes to mind are some of the shopping experiences I've had with my sister. My sister and I often joke about some of the things we find in stores. She'll hold up an item on a hanger, and we'll play the game.

"So do you think it's supposed to be a shirt or a dress?"

A lot of times I guess that it's a dress because I think that's just my default answer (and sadly, I've been right too many times).

Her answer is always, "well, where's the rest of it?!"

Haha - She makes me laugh, but there's some truth behind her humor. If someone has to ask where the rest of your clothing is, it's ... Well, let's just say it's probably having an affect on the way you present yourself, and probably not always in the most positive light.

Mistakes happen, though.  And there is a time and place for everything. So We live and we learn. Not everyone who wears something a specific way is trying to be seen in a negative light.

As I'm over here, trying to be seen in a positive light, I am doing my best to dress in culturally appropriate ways. So Iraq, let's talk about this staring business.

I look different. I get it. That's the reason I'm often stared at, but this is frustrating because I'm trying to blend in as much as possible by dressing appropriately, being smart about when to pull out a camera, and doing my best in other ways in order to not culturally offend anyone. That means, as I'm wearing my mounds of clothes and trying to breathe on hot days, and while I'm trying to watch my step and think twice before most of my actions, I'd appreciate just a break from the stares.

The worse is being stared at by men, who I cannot even make eye contact with. Sorry to vent, but this is honestly just a bit of my frustration, but it's also not enough to make me want to run away from this experience.

Honestly, I'm just too intrigued by it all, and I have so many questions. I look forward to enjoying the rest of my time, and while most of this feels unnatural, I'll do my best to surrender to "the rules" and hang on for the ride. Hopefully I'll have better luck this week.

Ps. Chances are ... I'll never get all of this right in such a short amount of time. Bear with me, Iraq.